80 USGlass, Metal & Glazing LineMarch 2001
theBUSINESS
He looked scary ... no not scary ... more like menacing ... no that wasn't it either ... perhaps dangerous ... yes, that was it ... dangerous. And I was getting more frightened with each passing second.
He had walked into my office and slammed the door behind him. His face was red and he had begun to flail his arms wildly while he paced around my office. He was ready to explode and I knew that I had to act quickly before it was too late. So as he continued to move about erratically, I slowly but purposely moved my right hand toward my lower right hand desk drawer. I pulled open the drawer and without making any other body movement whatsoever, I reached in and made contact with my 38 automatic. I deftly removed it and before the wild intruder knew what was happening, I raised the 38 up to shoulder height and pulled the trigger.
There's nothing quite like a Tote's 38 automatic. It's the finest 38-inch wide automatic opening umbrella in the world. Upon pulling the trigger of my 38, it quickly opened and I felt much better. For you see, I knew that the wild man in front of me was about to erupt in an unintelligible diatribe of rhetoric where every word would be uttered with a spewing out of saliva as if the man himself were possessed by some otherworldly beast. In this state, it
was hard to tell if he was spitting while speaking or speaking while spitting. Either way, I was glad that I had been able to deploy my 38 automatic in time.
"Listen Hill," he began. "I read your article about me, and I'm telling you, it was completely out of line, and I won't stand for it. This is the 21st Century and you can't talk about people that way anymore. It's just not right."
I'd never seen him like this. His voice was higher than ever before and the spit and words were raining down on me at an incredible pace.
"Koziac, calm down," I said. "You'll have the 'big one' right here in my office if you don't get yourself under control. Sit down and tell me what's troubling you."
"I will not sit down. You've embarrassed me in front of thousands of people with that article about me and my profession. And where do you get off referring to me as 'The Polish Accountant?' Do you think that's funny or something? I'll have you know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an accountant or with being Polish."
I like Koziac. In fact, I have a great deal of respect for him. He graduated first in his class when he earned his MBA and he has a memory that is second to none. And I don't think I have ever known a
better pure accountant.
"Koziac, relax. I wasn't making fun of you in that article. I was just kinda commenting about your 'uniqueness' that's all."
"Oh yeah, sure," he fired back. "Let me tell you something mister big shot Irishman. You guys in the glass business would be a whole lot better off if you'd let us accountants run this industry. Do you think we'd keep lowering prices while costs keep going up? And do you think we'd delude ourselves into thinking that more volume, even if it's below our costs, would somehow make everything OK? This industry wouldn't be in the mess it's in if you guys would listen to the accountants."
He was probably right. I mean after all, the glass business is pretty messed up and it doesn't look like it will be getting better any time soon. So maybe we should turn it over to the accountants ... the Polish ones that is.
"And I'll tell you something else Hill," the sputtering bean counter continued. "I'm proud of my profession and I'm equally proud of my heritage."
"Well of course you are,
Saved by My 38 Automatic
Can Bean Counters Go Postal?
by Lyle R. Hill
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HILL
Lyle R. Hill is
president of MTH Industries of Chicago.
lyle@glass.com
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